Authentic personal growth is not just about becoming better. It is about becoming more honest, more grounded, and more disciplined about who and what gets access to your life. Growth requires courage, but it also requires protection. You cannot become your truest self while constantly giving everyone equal access to your thoughts, your energy, your dreams, and your peace.
For as long as I can remember, I have taught my sons to protect their circle of influence. Not because people are bad. Not because we should live suspicious of everyone. But because every person around you has some level of influence on how you think, how you move, how you see yourself, and how you make decisions. The wrong circle can drain your confidence, distract your purpose, and disturb your peace. The right circle can sharpen your wisdom, strengthen your character, and keep you accountable to who God called you to be.
Personal growth requires discernment. Everyone cannot sit in the same seat in your life. Everyone should not have the same level of access. That is why I believe our relationships often fall into three rings: the core, the inner circle of influence, and the outer circle.
The center ring is what I call the core. These are your ride-or-die people. They are the few who desire relationship with you regardless of your status, money, title, career, or public success. They are not impressed by the version of you everyone else applauds. They know the real you. They know what makes you tick. They can sense when something is off before you say a word. They have your back, and you have theirs.
The core is where loyalty and accountability live together. These people are often your biggest cheerleaders, but they are also the ones who will challenge you the most. They do not just celebrate your wins; they confront your blind spots. They love you enough to tell you the truth. They do not use your vulnerability against you. They cover you, correct you, pray for you, and stand with you.
But getting into the core is not easy, and it should not be. Trust over time usually decides who belongs there. You cannot rush someone into the core because they were helpful for a season or friendly in a moment. Time reveals consistency. Pressure reveals loyalty. Success reveals motives. Hardship reveals commitment. The core should always have the fewest people because deep trust was never meant to be common.
The second ring is the inner circle of influence. This circle is larger than the core and often includes colleagues, coworkers, ministry partners, business relationships, mentors, collaborators, and people you interact with to accomplish a purpose. These are individuals you may build relationships with to meet a need, perform a job, solve a problem, or learn something important.
In this circle, trust exists, but it is often connected to a shared responsibility, assignment, or season. You may not have chosen these people as close personal friends, but you develop enough respect and trust to work together, build something together, or grow through an experience together. Sometimes people from this circle may eventually move into your core, but most often, the time and depth required to build core-level trust simply are not there.
That does not make the relationship less valuable. It simply means the relationship has a different place. Many people in the inner circle of influence are meaningful, wise, and helpful. You may keep in contact with them for years because of mutual respect, shared achievement, or the impact they had on your growth. But they still may not need access to the most private parts of your life.
The third ring is the outer circle. These are people you engage with briefly, casually, or for a temporary season. They may be people you meet through large groups, community settings, social media, public work, business interactions, or everyday life. These relationships can sometimes feel safe because they carry some of the same positive qualities as the inner circle. But distance and limited interaction require wisdom.
The outer circle is not negative. It is simply not deeply rooted. These are people who come and go. They may encourage you, support your work, or share space with you for a season, but they do not have a tendency to stick. Some people may move from the outer circle into the inner circle or even into the core. Others may move from the core all the way back to the outer circle. That is life. Access can change when trust changes.
This is where authentic growth demands maturity. You must be honest enough to know when someone’s place in your life has shifted. You do not have to hate people to move them further out. You do not have to explain everything to everyone. Sometimes protecting your peace means adjusting access without making an announcement.
In a conversation with my mentor Chuckie, there was a powerful reminder about walking your own path. He spoke about moving in your own lane, focusing on your own journey, and not getting caught up in what others say or do. That kind of clarity does not happen overnight. It takes time to become comfortable with who you are, flaws and all, without trying to imitate people or fit into spaces that do not align with your purpose.
That is authentic growth. It is not performance. It is not comparison. It is not competing for approval. It is learning to walk with confidence, peace, and purpose because you know who you are and whose you are.
For me, faith is central to this. When the world tries to pull me in every direction, I rely on the triune God to ground my soul, direct my path, and remind me of my value. The world is not the source of my confidence. People are not the foundation of my identity. God gives wisdom, protection, grace, and clarity for the journey.
Authentic growth requires a protected circle because your peace is too valuable to leave unguarded. Your purpose is too important to let every voice shape it. Your future is too meaningful to be surrounded by people who only know how to drain, distract, or diminish you.
So choose wisely. Love people well, but give access carefully. Be kind to many, respectful to most, but deeply vulnerable with few. The circle you keep will either help you grow into who you were created to be, or it will keep pulling you away from it.
You were not called to be available to everyone. You were called to be faithful to your purpose. And sometimes, the most powerful step in authentic personal growth is learning who belongs close, who belongs nearby, and who belongs at a distance.
|
|
Thank you again for subscribing. I look forward to embarking on this exciting journey with you!
To a more productive you
|
11016 Quivira Rd Unit #747, Overland Park, KS 66210
Unsubscribe · Preferences